Different

A lot can happen in a short time. I recently met up with a very good friend and spent some hours over a couple of weeks chatting and catching up. It was great to see her again. Like me she too has had her share of life's troubles.
Her marriage has broken up and I know she has a lot on her plate. My role in her life is very insignificant but we both like each other and feel safe with each other when we meet. Hence we do get to be honest with each other and say what we feel. I like that. Hopefully it wont be two years before we meet up again.

But stuff changes. Since my last entry my dad has had a stroke and has spent 7 weeks away from home doing all he can to get back home. He came home on Saturday and it has been an awakening to see him the way he is now. Strokes are bastards of things. You don't see them coming and the effects are devastating. My dad has had a slight stroke but that has meant a great change in him. His speech has changed, his walk is slower and more unsure and of all things in his life he has forgotten how the use the TV. He is not himself, he has lost weight and he does not have the same hunger for things that he once had. I guess that at 86 you can get like that.

Whats hard is seeing the change in him. Gone is the strong robust man who in recent years had begun to shuffle about but was always busy. He seems at this stage to have lost all that. As he says he feels out of it. And I can understand that he does feel out of it and that in time he will get stronger and more confident. His appetite has changed, he struggles with most meals and in lots of ways his behaviour has become very childlike. He is a bit helpless but I know he is trying to deal with it all as best he can. I keep telling myself to see what tomorrow will bring.
Till next time

In July

Now it is July and more has happened. I have severed my relationship from the past. It had hung around a long time and I was not wanting it to continue. I feel the need to work on my relationship with my son and take care of myself.
I did not go about it all that well. Like so many times in my past I was pushed into action. I received a message at 3am of all times asking me what was going on. I decided not to react in my usual knee jerk way but rather to consider what I wanted and reply in that way. I did, it was not easy, nor pleasant as i still feel this person is very special and did not ever deserve the rough treatment she received from me.
So I have tried to move on. Not sure where. Not sure how. Some progress it happening. I feel a little more in control of what I am doing.

I spent last week at my eldest daughters place. She has 2 kids who are lively and active and who I enjoy being around. Though the quiet nights there I did enjoy!
My son came with me, we both got a bit sick and that was a shame. It was at this time that my daughter said I should speak to my son about his sexuality. I had know he is gay for some time and it was good to take him aside and say that it was ok to be who he is, that I wanted him to be happy and to know who he is and that I accepted that, he is my son and I love him.

I sensed a degree of relief from him and he wanted to talk about stuff. That was ok only this week he informs me his friend and he are now just good friends.

Our kids are our kids no matter what they do and no matter who they are...we must be there for them.
I am tired at present. I do not feel as though I have had a holiday. Its all been so busy.
But its back to work next week and I'm off to the snow fora few days with some students. I expect it will be cold, and long and even more tiring. Hopefully I will feel like talking about next week.