The Third day

It is late here. I am home from working at my local theatre. I am directing a short ten minute piece for the local Rep Theatre. It is a week to go before performance and whilst I like the actors I have they are a limited bunch of people acting wise.
But then thats the point of local companies. Everyone gets a go. And they are making a fair fist of the piece. Like any performance you don't get who you want and you have to work generously with the ones you do.

I find it a little frustrating, I want the work to be good, to somehow stretch my performers abilities but for most of the girls this is a first time on stage for them. I think I may be a little harsh.

I need to relax and enjoy the experience rather than be threatened by it.

I do enjoy the time I spend there, though I have come in late and my idea of running a theatre group and their's is very different. They like to sit about for ages before beginning. I want to go there and then get out, do the rehearsal and then go home. I may have much to learn about all this. I guess it has something to do with me not being much of a people person.

People people are much happier around other people. They like people. They don't see them as a threat. I think thats the problem with me now. All people are threats. I know this is not good but at present its the way it is.
I worry that i may not get out of this state. That I have been so scarred that its going to be a default setting for me. It is easier to avoid than to engage.
I have two end of year work functions I can go to. One is a faculty one, the other a whole staff one. I am committed to the faculty one because I said I would go but the staff one I will avoid because I can easily think of plenty of excuses not to go.

So there. I said it. I made a decision./ Maybe I should write here more often if this is how I can make a decision.
Decisions are tough. To make one you are committing yourself to a course of action. You are stating a position and I don't like to do that so often as I feel I may have to back down and when I back down I don't feel so good about myself. It is a vicious circle.

I am wanting to work through a lot of stuff but as I said in my first entry I do ramble and this one is no different. But I do fell better having started to say stuff.